So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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