They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
