The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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