you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
