Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
