I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
