is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
