my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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