ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
