Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
