i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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