I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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