how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
