I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
