can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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