Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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