threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I currently don't understand fingers.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
