I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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