her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
