1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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