That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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