Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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