Screwed.edu
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
