fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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