If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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