I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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