I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
