If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
