she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
