We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
