I want to have your abortion
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
