I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
