...so i touched it.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
