I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
