Pappa wants mamma naked
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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