his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
