omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
