Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
