i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
