I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
