I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
