I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
