Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
