I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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