so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
