2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
