the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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