I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
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