Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Randomize
