He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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