Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
