Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
