I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
